I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
