We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
