So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
