The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
