I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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