Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
