Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
