That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
