Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
