The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
