so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
