Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Damn victory sex feels great
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
