Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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