my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you never un-have a 4some
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
