You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
