where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
