I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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