Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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