your room smells of hookers.
And success
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
