Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
