i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
