I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
