Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
