whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
In America we eat man semen.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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