highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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