So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I still have a little drunk in my system
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
