oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
