Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
