bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
