No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
