im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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