the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
