Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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