saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
