I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
