I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
