She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
