You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
