Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
