brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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