So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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