You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
