Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
