the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
