Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
