the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
