Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
