I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
