would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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