bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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